10.10.10 - In Ever Loving Memory of Mum, Grandma extraordinaire

"For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faitfulness continues through all generations." - Psalms 100:5

Why is it that after 12 months it still hurts? Why is it that after these months, the weeping and mourning have not ceased? The summer had passed and winter is here but we still talk about the warm of summer, of the smell of freshly cut grass, of the scent of the lilies. And for that matter we cannot stop talking about how lovely summer had been for us nor stop remembering it. Short it was for us, but extremely good.

Psalms 100:5 had been mum's favourite verse. In it, pregnant with the theology of the fullness of God's character. Goodness, love, and faithfulness are all immovable tenets of a graceful and "never promise breaking" covenantal God. In mum's life journey, she had found God to be so dependable, good, merciful, graceful, and trustworthy. A simple lady faces life's twisted complexity, trusting in God's unchanging word. A God she neither sees nor touches, but fills her whole being.

I could still remember that fateful Saturday morning, when I was on my way home from early morning church prayers and made a pit stop at the wet market for the week's supplies of vegetables and meat. My eldest brother's voice on the mobile phone was terse, serious,and broken, "M, no more already...." He broke down, and then it was my turn to. Till today we still mourn and weep over the passing away of this exceptional lady. We mourn a lady small in stature but with monumental goodness. And it has been a cold, damp winter for us ever since.

M reminded me of God. Full of goodness, full of love and full of faithfulness. Full of everything that represented God. Godly and god-centered. We had lost our fiercest loyal supporter, most fervent praying warrior, warmest earnest friend, gentlest and kindest mother (grandmother) to death. Looks like death always win. Does it? Just when death thought death won, our mother is now basking in glory in heavenly company living eternal life that she knew best, loving, giving, and praising, realising that the Lord of the Universe did not call her to be successful but to be faithful. Faithful she was. She never stopped callling us, whether we deserve it or not is another matter totally. Never stopped praying for us, never stopped giving her best to us, never stopped propping us up to the highest pedestals, never stopped encouraging us when our chips were down and never stopped taking us as the apples of her eyes when we were not in our best behaviours. On the eve of her death, she was calling everyone to eagerly announce one granddaughter's acceptance as a medical doctor. And the following morning, an angel died. Check with another granddaughter, and you know how M prayed that gave the former the assurance of things will be in His control. Check with my children and you know how faithfully she called me on each Sunday. Initially I had to outdo her by calling her earlier to save her phone call but decided to let her call on Sundays as it could be dictated by her time convenience but call her additionally on Wednesdays.

How do we ensure our tribute is not too little, when she had given her all. Not too plain, when she had been elaborate. Not too brief, when she had been detailed. She has stopped giving, and only at her death lazy chair, had she stopped giving. Only through the pangs of her death, "goodness" stopped, "giving" ceased, and "loving" turned from a verb to an adjective or whatever you called it. To be very sure, we can't. We can never do justice describing and remembering her limitless life with our limited words.

Death never won because she left behind a legacy. God continues to be faithful to us just as He had been faithful to her. How do we measure her 84 years of life? We measure her by her love. How do we measure her passionate devotion to her husband and her children? We measure it by her love. How do we measure her exuberance in giving? We measure it by her love. Love, gentleness and kindness marked her. A legacy of nothingness to the world but the world to the Father above. We are desirous to be characteristic of her in ways small or large, of her legacy to live on through us, and we want to stand up to be counted. Where, we trade kindness for rudeness, trade forgiveness for wrongdoing, generousity for stinginess, other centeredness for selfishness, sharing for hoarding, thoughtfulness for rashness, giving than receiving, gentleness for rudeness, tact for brash, and trade love for hate. And everytime a little of goodness, kindness, and gentleness grow in us, we turn less ugly and we become more like her, more like God, her legacy is more evident in us, and faitfulness prevails.

God is faithful. This is our mum's testament. And his faithfulness continues to our generation, to our children's generations, our children's children generation and beyond. If we have drifted away, He keeps looking out for us. If we have kept a not so desirable relation, He keeps faith and waits for us to turn back. If we have offended another, He keeps His grace intact knowing very well we need it in abundance. If we have started serving other gods, He remained the Lord of Universe dispensing mercy knowing we needed it most. He remained faithful until the day when he comes again, where he will also return as a Judge. The scandal of the gospel is this grace. This grace ensures that the foulest sinner is assured of salvation if he turns to him. This grace guarantees that whoever genuinely repents, no questions will be asked, full forgiveness granted. This grace confirms that our mum who has nothing much to show for in life except her faitfulness in serving her God, her husband, and her children, receives the crown of glory and the crown of righteousness, bringing forth the victorious paradoxical teachings of Jesus to the fore, where the poor shall be rich, the humble be exalted, the small be great, and the last be first. Our mum knew that, so I trust we must too!

On this anniversary of her death, we remember our mother, our grandmother, and we celebrate her godly life, and her legacy that will live on in us only if we choose to let it happen. And I continue to see M in all of us, when we love, serve, give and forgive.